The Saddest Words of Tongue or Pen
by TracyT
Summary: What might have been


Title: The Saddest Words of Tongue or Pen

Author: TracyT

Rating: T

Category: Angst, Romance

Summary: What might have been.

Spoilers: A Deadly Game, spoilers for Season 3.

Archive: Yes, Please!

Feedback to:

Disclaimer: Not mine, but I wish they were. No profit will be made on this. It is a labor of love.

Author's note: Don't throw things at me! I seem to keep writing sad Castle stories. What's up with that? Anyway, this one stems from the idea that both Castle and Beckett are going to be involved with others for most of this next season, and something Nathan Fillion said about it being like people who are married to others but attracted to each other. It also stems from and idea Lordswiftuk and Kastlefan (from the ABC Castle site) had for Caskett's first kiss. Much thanks to them.

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Richard Castle sat at the desk in his office. He was staring off into space, trying to reconcile the events of the day in his head. God, he could still feel her in his arms, could still taste her, he could hear the sounds she made when he kissed her. His emotions were so intense he shook his head trying to rid himself of them.

"Richard," Gina came bustling into the room. "For God's sake, what are you doing sitting here in the dark?" She turned on his desk lamp and he squinted at the sudden intrusion of light.

"I hadn't noticed," he said softly.

'Well, the Morton's are expecting us for supper in 45 minutes. Give me a minute to fix my hair and we need to get going." She left the room without expecting, or getting a response.

Rick sat back in his chair and sighed. Since his return from the Hamptons, things had been strained between he and Beckett, to say the least. Despite all that, he was finally back to shadowing her on some of her cases. Today they had been following a suspect in a double murder. Ida and Maurice Fishman had been murdered in their jewelry store in the diamond district. Both shot point blank to the head.

Mr. Fishman's brother, Ira, insisted it was the work of "gangsters" who had been trying to shake the merchants down for money, but after questioning other merchants, none had reported anyone harassing them. "Why would the mob just target _one_ jewelry store?" Castle had asked.

"They wouldn't." Beckett answered.

After looking into Ira Fishman's financials, they found he was fond of betting on the ponies and was in some serious debt. Then a relative told them that Ira was furious with his brother and his wife when they refused to bail him out.

The key was finding the diamonds that were missing from the Fishman's store. Kate and Castle had gone down one Sunday morning and stood across the street from Ira Fishman's place of business. In order to get him to act, they had informed him he was a suspect the day before.

Sure enough, as they watched from the alley across the street, Ira Fishman came out of his closed store with a large leather carry bag. They watched him lock his door, and were ready to follow him, when to their surprise he headed directly toward them.

They didn't have time to hide, he would surely have seen them by now, but they were in the shadows, so that made them somewhat unidentifiable.

Before Castle could react, Kate grabbed him and kissed him.

He remained immobile for just a few seconds until his brain registered that he was kissing Katherine Beckett. With a moan, he folded her in his arms and hotly returned the kiss, barely acknowledging Ira Fishman passing by them.

Kate raised a hand with the intent to stop him, but instead, with a soft moan, she let her fingers gently rake their way down his cheek. They broke apart, both breathless and looked into each other's eyes.

"Rick," Kate said softly, and then he was crushing her to him, as if something primal inside him had slipped its leash, hungry and hotly demanding, and she was clinging to him and returning as much of the passion as he was giving her. It heaven, it was right, it was like coming home. He pressed her back into the brick wall behind them and continued to kiss and caress every part of her he could reach, murmuring her name over and over again.

Kate pulled back and looked up at him, her lips swollen from his kisses and desire in her eyes. "Not here," she managed to breathe. "Too public." He could see her considering their options before she said, "The car," and grabbed his hand to drag him toward her car parked at the end of the alley.

Part way to the car, he stopped. It was the hardest thing he'd ever had to do, but he stopped her. "Kate," he said softly.

"Come on," she coaxed, trying to pull his hand. When he wouldn't budge she came back to kiss him again. He had to stop himself from responding this time, but she took his body in her arms and continued to kiss him. "Rick, _please_," she begged.

He folded her into a giant bear hug to stop her movements and just held her for a few moments before whispering into her ear, "Kate, listen to me." His voice shook. "You have to be the strong one for both of us." He pulled back enough to look in her face and gave her a sad smile. "I can't be. I want this too much."

She cupped his jaw with her hand. "So, do I." She tried to reach up to kiss him again but he pulled back just enough. She looked at him intently for a few moments and then said, "I don't want to be the strong one. Haven't we waited long enough?"

"Kate, it's not just us we have to consider, is it?"

He could see the realization in her eyes, remembering Josh and Gina, although she tried to hide it from him. "I don't care."

"Not now, maybe, but you will, and you'd start to resent me for it, resent _us_ for it. We aren't that kind of people, are we? People that would do something like this to the ones we're with?"

She looked at him silently, and leaned her forehead against his chest, clinging to him. He kissed the top of her head, and after a few moments she pulled back to say, "Our timing was never good, was it?"

He shook his head sadly.

She reached up and kissed him gently on the lips and then he saw her steel herself. With a final look into his eyes, she turned and walked away.

"Richard," Gina appeared in the doorway. "Come on, we have to go. Get your jacket."

"Coming." Rick stood and took his jacket from the back of the chair and put it on. For a few glorious moments today he had held the woman he truly loved in his arms. He told himself he should be happy, until he recalled a quote from John Greenleaf Whittier:

"_For all sad words of tongue or pen, the saddest are these, 'it might have been.'"_

Fin


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